Creeping sensation of reclusion.
I don’t know if this is related to warmer weather and sun, or maybe it’s dependant on how much work I have to do, or what projects I’m focused on. But every summer I find after a while I don’t feel the need for human contact, or the outdoors.
I am through and through a winter person. During the winter I want to be involved with everything, during the build up to Christmas I always find myself in the grips of infatuation for a girl and it tends to pull me out of my shell. I try harder to be a part of a group and I focus excessively upon how to find a relationship. However I also seem to work best during this phase. I’m usually more academically focused and my sleeping pattern is typically more balanced.
After Christmas I often lose the focus I had. My work dips in consistence. I often lose interest in the object of limerence that I so craved previously. I still seek relationships , both romantic and platonic, but my actions become more sporadic. Over time I tend to make mistakes, lots of them. This is usually a frantic phase where I get little done and fall into a sense of depression. I am less confident of myself during the springtime.
After spring as summer arrives I level out to a point where emotionally I feel balanced, however socially I close up. During this time I no longer seek contact from other people. My mind turns itself towards ideas and dreams. I spend all the time I previously used contemplating relationships to instead try to engineer the musings of my imagination. I become so involved in my work that I do not wish to leave. It is almost as if I hibernate by escaping to my own worlds. A curious state.
After summer the ‘pre-Christmas’ period begins again, and the whole merry loop restarts. This year I tried to fight the reclusive stage of the process, but I fear that it’s not going to last. I already feel as though what is inside my head is better than outside. The hot weather makes this worse. Don’t get me wrong, I love sun, but what comes with it is not pleasant. I suffer from hayfever which becomes extremely bad if I leave an enclosed building. This tends to ruin the experience of walking or cycling. I find heat generally unbearable as it slows my thoughts, damages my sleep and generally makes me uncomfortable. I much prefer the cool atmosphere of the damp seasons, coupled with the occasional burst of moody rain.
I hate it when people complain about rain. I pretend not to like it because it makes conversation when everyone goes silent. But really I think rain is the best weather. So what if you get a bit wet when you’re outside. Man up. It’s water, one of the most miraculous substances in the whole universe. Enjoy it while you can, some people would give their right arm to see rain. Personally, inside or out, I find rain inspiring and relaxing.
So ultimately I’m a winter person. I open up during winter, I seek relationships and I work more efficiently. During summer I become closed, uncomfortable and tired. The unfortunate side affect of trying to avoid summer however is the low vitamin D intake and also a lack of skin richening. Both of which are good for health. It is hard to balance that with my distaste for this season.